Dust to Dust

4:26 AM 6/24/2019

I'm sure that I could disappear from social media without even a blip. I'm also too afraid to prove myself right.

Lives would go on without me, as they have.

The minuscule void that would be present, if at all, would be filled pretty much instantly.

My impact, much like a mote of dust.

4:51 AM 7/1/2019

It's been five days. No messages. No checkups. No emails.

Yup.

4:38 AM 7/3/2019

To be fair, it's been quite some time since I've sent a message to anyone to check up on them. I suppose you reap what you sow.

5:51 AM 7/4/2019

Perhaps, this is what I deserve. For all the nonsense in the past, for all the times I have failed to recognize and acknowledge, for all the failures without apology.

I am fully aware that this is an echo chamber. I am only hearing what I am speaking. It is being amplified and redirected back to me. There is no other voice than mine.

There is nothing new with this.

It is up to me to change the voice and message. It has always been up to me.

5:40 AM 7/7/2019

Philosophy tells me I'm full of light. Science tells me I'm made of star stuff.

I constantly feel the weight of shadow.

Others have walked the path I'm on in a more successful manner. I do not blaze new trails. I pick up what has been left behind and try to rework it into something that is beholden to me.

I try to show it as something that is neat or keen.

It's just like 'XYZ.' Oh, that's just a poor man's attempt at 'XYZ.' This is just 'XYZ' in a coat of paint.

Frankly, I don't care if it's just like something else. I don't care if you think I'm just following the steps of someone else. I'm not riding on their cape.

The more you say these things, the more thoughts of insecurity worm their way into the core of someone. The more the imposter rises from within. The more the shade starts to speak instead of the light.

I can't help but wonder if this hasn't been the problem all along.