I cannot help but wonder about the effect my vanishing would cause. Am I really that crucial to the others around me? Is my ego that entwined?
At this point, my brother-in-law is suffering from cancer. My sister-in-law is in jail because one of her springs became unsprung. My live-in son lives in his room even though he is over 30. My other son is going on with his life with no need of me.
My wife. My wife is worried about too many other things including my diabetes. So much pressure is on her.
The family on my side really do not reach out to me, or me to them. They wouldn’t understand my emotions. I feel they would just rush in to saying the sweet nothings that mean so little these days. I am not their family, not really. I left that arena over 20 years ago.
Of local friends, I have none. The rest are scattered over the world and cannot assuage my condition. It is my own to bear. They have their own concerns and their own places on their own individual stages.
Lightning strikes and makes the fires burn. My mottled clay body remains. I’m really not that important. In the scheme of things, I am one in too many billions of people. I will live and die without a hiccup from the universe.
Thus is my impact.
