Saturday, November 05, 2016

Renewal, Rebirth, and Running in Shadows

The separation of what I do professionally and what I do socially is somewhat disparate. I hold a position in an office that pays the bills and insurance. I wish to do more on my own rather than being an #officehero feeling like I'm a cog in a great machine bent on becoming, and I quote, "a thriving enterprise providing solutions to the world's most complex problems."

Within, I am told that I have the soul of a poet and adventurer. I am a #wordhero who has bled out hundreds of thousands of words throughout my many years. I've told of galactic adventurers and down-home heroes. I've placed antagonists and protagonists alike in difficult, nearly impossible really, situations. I've broken children and brought them back stronger than ever. I've killed superheroes after they have saved the day. I've told of love and loss and everything in between.

I've also cracked the Moon and decimated the Earth.

Today, this auspicious day, well, auspicious to me anyway, I am following my feelings and putting things back into perspective. I am using the time that I am to be performing the traditional arduous word marathon to place things back on the rails and to stoke the coals within great fiery furnace that is my creative mind.

I've been holding myself back. As I look back on this, it is about fear. Fear of being myself, of saying what I need to say, of thinking that some may not like (love) the words I write. I'm kind of tired of living in fear. I've let it creep deep into the cracks and crannies of my life and fester there like some sort of maligned tumor that made me think that I should be something other than what I am.

I am that I am.

I know, blaspheme, right? No, not in the least. I am that fiery being encased in this fleshform. I have the connections to the universe that enable me to sit and listen to the sky as I knock in perpetual question. I am also the tender thing that can easily be bruised from a hard word or seemingly inescapable silence that permeates the realms I wander.

I am all of it and I don't give a soft winged damn what you truly think about it.

If you like what I write, great. If not, well, one cannot please everyone. I happen to like (love) the words I write. They are deeply personal and I expect (yes, expect) a modicum of respect for them. You want to be a troll, go do it somewhere else. I don't need it.

If, however, you wish to connect and share, here I am. If you want to discuss with intelligence and understanding, here I am. I'm more than willing to hear and view different ideas. I'm more than willing to share them. I'm more than willing to entertain that I have an awful viewpoint and it needs to be changed.

So be it. I know that I am not perfect. I know that I'll make mistakes and change my views upon any number of things based on new information. I'm not cast in stone, nor are my views.

It feels good to be back. I look forward to our future conversations should you choose to engage.

-E

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