Saturday, November 12, 2016

Diffusing Darkness

I’m not going to pretend that this week wasn’t emotional. I was unable to put together words for what I was feeling for quite some time except for, “I’m afraid.” I am afraid for the future. I’m afraid for the present. The lessons learned from the past are seemingly being ignored.

What this means to me as a creative is that there may be more trite details I will have to go through to ensure that I am medically insured. There may be more difficulties ahead to ensure that my family keeps maintaining at the current financial level (if not better). There may be more difficulty in creating the reality I want to be in.

I know that I’m not supposed to dwell on the future and live in the present. I know that I should recognize the anxiety, acknowledge it, and let it flow through me. I’m doing my best to do so. I took Wednesday off from reality and just shuffled around the house in silence. I accepted what was and what wasn’t.

On Thursday, I knocked out perhaps 2,000 words on Project B. Friday was too busy between work and private life. I feel better, not secure, but better. I know that those gloating do not care about the undercurrent of feelings out there. Many of the angry do not either, sadly. What I do know is that I do care.

I’m hopeful. It’s the best I can do right now. I have to keep my mind in check and ask, “What can I do at this moment in time to create the better world I want to live in?” My answer is to write, to express, to let those that will read my words that they’re not alone. This is regardless of their choice of candidates, race, color, creed, or any other orientation or discrimination that would classify them as an outsider.

Darkness cannot defeat darkness. Hate cannot defeat hate.

We know the rhetoric. We have heard the voices. We have read the words. It is time to start doing and performing. Crying, “Foul!” rarely works outside of sports. Even then, the accusation is subject to review.

I don’t know what else to do in order to make my world more gentle. These are the ripples I’m making. This is the pebble in the pond.

Cheers.

-E

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