Hello, me again.
I feel like I've been asleep for the last few months. The funky fog that I've been in is something that I allowed to happen. I'm not going to blame anyone else. I think it's just time to become more involved in my life instead of just existing.
Simply existing isn't good enough anymore.
Let's start at the beginning. I was diagnosed with Diabetes Mellitus Type 2 at the end of January, 2010. My world changed and I hadn't the wherewithal to change with it. Sure, there were new toys and new procedures to deal with, but I am still struggling with changing the core behaviors that led up to the fact that my first blood test showed over 300 milligrams per decaliter of glucose in my system!
So my PCP announced the fact that I had Diabetes much like a game show host. The little Chinese man rushed in and apologized for his brevity because he had to attend a conference, raised up his hands and exlaimed, "You have Diabetes!"
:|
Yeah, I felt like a loser sitting in a chicken costume playing on Let's Make A Deal! I had won the right to change my diet and habits. I had won the right to be on prescription medications for the rest of my life. I had won an entire new subspecies of depression and angst.
Yeah, about that.
Nearly 8 months later, I'm finally coming to terms with perhaps looking at actually trying to cope with my newfound friend rather than hating the world for it. It was coincidence that I had quit smoking and was then diagnosed. Lovely, isn't it? It was as lovely as being kicked in the nuts for my trouble after helping an old lady across the street. It was happenstance. I didn't know the old lady was kin to Cruella DeVille. Go figure.
The only way I know how to be held accountable for my trying to deal with my Diabetes is to put it out there in the universe. I know I've been withdrawn and sullen and often caustic in regards to friendships and relationships. Again I see this in hindsight as the fog is lifting from my head. I can only hope to restore some of my grace and righteousness in laying it out on the line.
Going forward I need to formulate a plan on how to deal with the dieting and excercising in addition to upkeep on my writing. It seems that diet and excercise (along with my prescription medications) are the only way to deal with my condition.
So, groovy, I can plan all day, but I need to follow the plan. I feel like I'm some sort of food and fat addict going through a 12-step program. It feels like an addiction and I'm hoping to switch the addiction to a healthier lifestyle rather than the pity party that I've been throwing.
